


The Unofficial Commandments of the Aedra...and the Daedra

by Siha_Shepard



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Elder Scrolls Lore, Fourth Wall, Humor, Implied Relationships, Inspiration, Lists, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:44:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14304033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siha_Shepard/pseuds/Siha_Shepard
Summary: The book "The Ten Commandments Of The Nine Divines" can be found all throughout the Elder Scrolls series, giving the key commandment of each Divine.But what of the ones they DIDN'T write?Or if the Daedra had made their own commandments?





	1. Akatosh/Auriel

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Nieoficjalne Przykazania Aedr ... i Daedr](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17273243) by [Regalia1992](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regalia1992/pseuds/Regalia1992)
  * Inspired by [The Official List of Unofficial Rules of the Normandy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10766121) by [TheRedshirtWhoLived](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedshirtWhoLived/pseuds/TheRedshirtWhoLived). 



**Akatosh/Auriel/Auri-El**

 

  1. Please, for the love of me, be PUNCTUAL.  
  

  2. Treat my children with respect, born of dragons or not. If they act like an idiot, however...  
  

  3. Don't let a blind person read an Elder Scroll.  
  

  4. Don't desecrate the Word Walls in Skyrim! My children and I do NOT need to know if "Dan Bull wuz here" or "The Dragonborn cums". Seriously, it's getting old.  
  

  5. Don't bring up Lorkhan in front of the other deities. It's...still a touchy subject.   
  

  6. I can neither confirm nor deny that Alduin coming to Helgen was because of Lokir's last-minute prayers.  
  

  7. Do not suggest a "Death Battle" between an Aedra and a Daedra; we lack the footage and special effects for such a thing.  
  

  8. Please, do not chant "Dragon, Dragon, Rock the dragon" or any references to anything Dragon Ball when praying to me.   
  

  9. Do not ask me the locations of any Dragon Balls, no matter how many times you mod.  
  

  10. No, just because you happen to be a certain type of my creation (i.e. the Thalmor of the High Elves)  _never_ means that you're better than the others.  
  

  11. I've stressed this several times through the eras, but no one seems to listen, but I'll say it anyway: No matter the race, no matter the lifestyle, DON'T BE AN ASS.




	2. Arkay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commandments of Arkay, the Aedra of Life and Death.

**Arkay**

  1. Please praise and respect all of those that heal the utter idiots that charge headfirst into battle, whether through potions or the school of Restoration. Seriously, healing someone is easy; healing an idiot is hard.  
  

  2. Don't desecrate any graves, even if they were, as Akatosh puts it, "A shame to my creation".   
a. If you insist on desecrating any graves since the dead don't need gold and jewellry, at least leave the remains in the urns or sarcophagi. You will drop the skulls later anyway because you can't carry them and that new waraxe and bone dust is really overrated as an ingredient anyway.  (Credit to Altra)  
  

  3. If you are going to perform necromancy, AT LEAST give some due respect to the undead.  
  

  4. If you are that one guy who is going to necromance chickens...Don't. Please don't.  
  

  5. Should you happen to be...a certain necrophiliac necromage hiding out a bit of ways away from Dawnstar...You've earned what's coming to you.  
  

  6. Don't pour alcohol onto any graves, no matter how much of a drinker the deceased was in life. It's honestly quite a waste! Put the bottle onto the grave instead.  
  

  7. DON'T WORSHIP NAMIRA. That is all.  
  

  8. Respect the life that is given to you. Please.




	3. Dibella, The Aedra of Beauty, Erotic Love, Creativity, and Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Dibella.

** Dibella **

 

  1.  I cannot stress this enough: If someone doesn't want to be your lover/spouse/whatever, DON'T kill them. It's called 'Moving On'.  
  

  2.  ....The ones who play Yandere Simulator are a blight on love. Seriously, what sort of twisted person wants to play as someone who will literally  _slaughter_ and  _manipulate_ whoever comes across them all out of  _infatuation_? Certainly, no creation of mine!  
  

  3. Those that worship me and read either  _Twilight_ or, even worse, the  _50 Shades_ series, must burn all copies and bury the ashes before committing full worship to me. Better yet, find any and all copies and burn them wherever they are.  
  

  4. Yes, BDSM  _is_ under my sphere of influence....as long as it's done between two or more completely consenting adults, safewords and all. As soon as a 'no' or safeword goes ignored, I  _will_ know. And I  _will_ make your love life hell.  
  

  5. Plagiarism of  _any_ kind in  _any_ form is a  _HUGE_ no-no for me. Stealing someone's artwork, songs, poetry, scripts, bookwork,  _anything_ that was created by someone else...is one hell of a way to piss off an Aedra. 




	4. Julianos, The Aedra of Knowledge, Wisdom, and Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments...or Rantings...of Julianos.

** Julianos **

 

  1. No matter who you are, especially if you happen to be a Nord,  _never_ forget the Clever Craft.  
  

  2. ...I can neither confirm nor deny having a sleight of hand in the Harry Potter series.  
a. Dolores Umbridge, however, was  _never_ my idea.  
  

  3. Magic puns are incredible, no matter what anyone says.  
  

  4. It's okay to be smart, it's a badge of pride to be intelligent...But it's a curse to be a know-it-all.  
  

  5. The more books, the better!  
  

  6. Bully a nerd, come back ten or so years later, and see how stupid you look.  
  

  7. _Always thank any and all practitioners of the School of Restoration._ They're the ones that are keeping you alive; they deserve  _some_ thanks!  
  

  8. Never say that "magic is for the weak"; it may come back to bite you.  
  

  9. It's  _ **never**_ wise to harass an aspiring magic user...especially if they are a child.




	5. Kynareth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commandments of Kynareth, the Divine of the Heavens, Wind, Elements, Air Spirits, and the Patron of Sailors.

**Kynareth**

 

  1. ****Smoke in a non-smoking section. I dare you.  
  

  2. If you happen to hunt, only do so if necessary. Hunting purely for sport will  _not_ net you good results.  
a. Taxidermy...is still an iffy subject for me.  
  

  3. When using the Thu'um...don't use it just because you simply can.  
  

  4. When meeting the Bearded One atop the Throat of The World, treat him with respect and courtesy as you would have it done to you.  
  

  5. Should someone particularly nasty happen to pray for rain...be careful what you ask for.  
  

  6. No, just because there is a massive storm afoot doesn't mean that I'm, what you mortals call, "on the monthly". I'm just upset with how you mortals are treating the world you live in.  
  

  7. Be careful with what you mean by "May lightning strike you/me down!".




	6. Mara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Mara, Goddess of Marriage, Family, The Home, and Children.

**Mara**

 

  1. ****No, you CAN'T kill your spouse just because you had second thoughts at my altar. You must, say it with me now, "COMMUNICATE". It's simple and easy to do. Try it.
  2. Go on ahead. Take your frustrations and sick perversions out on your own flesh and blood.  _ **I dare you.**_
  3. No, you can't kill or beat your child(ren) because they are, as modern mortals call them, "little shits". It's called "being a good parent". A certain farmer in Rorikstead should try it sometime.
  4. Believe it or not, family isn't just connected by blood; "The blood of the covenant is thick thsn the waters of the womb", a mortal once said.
  5. At the same time, do not let your children wander about whenever they feel like it. Surely there must be SOME balance.
  6. No, your children are  ** _never_** to blame for your wife dying in childbirth. 
  7. Do not overwork your children or make them grow too quickly. Let kids be kids.
  8. If there is a bully out of your family, tell someone you trust to help you. If there is a bully in your family, tell someone you trust and have them help you...handle things.




	7. Stendarr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The...erm, Commandents...? Of Stendarr, the Divine of Mercy, Justice, Compassion, and Charity.

**Stendarr**

 

  1. Despite what the Altmer may think of me...I'm nice! I swear!  
  

  2. My Vigilants really need to be more... _merciful~_. (Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah~!)  
  

  3. Please, PLEASE, do  _not_ diss the healers. They are, in a way, showing  _you_ mercy.   
  

  4. Do not  _ever_ mistake my kindness and mercy for weakness.  
  

  5. Please give anyone that heals you gifts according to the magnitude of their aid; wine is a good gift. A _very_ good gift.  
  

  6. When push comes to shove and you find that your back is against the wall...Shield bash the hell of shit.  
a. 100 in Block is your best friend, even if you prefer archery, dual wielding, or even, heh, Two-Handed, if you catch my drift~.  
  

  7. No matter what anyone says, protect as many of your loved ones as you can.  
  

  8. Don't be afraid to give the Gift of Charity every now and again. It makes Nirn, or at least the Nirn of whoever is reading this, a much brighter place!



 

 


	8. Talos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talos, the hero-god of Good Governance and War.

**Talos**

 

  1. ****....Guys. Please. I know I'm the God of War, but...dammit, Stormcloak, there's no damn need to throw away lives just to wear a necklace to me or pray to my shrine!  
  

  2. No matter how...odd your ruler might seem, they should be respected as long as they keep their citizens safe and happy under their rule.  
  

  3. Altmer are pretty damn cool, but...fuck the Thalmor. That is all.  
  

  4. As soon as a crown is on your head, get a good feel for how heavy it weighs.  
  

  5. Despite it being cool to come in swinging with a big-ass battle axe and take over the place, at least  _try_ to find a way to NOT be a dick to the people you're invading.  
  

  6. If the ruler or governor got their title by overthrowing the previous one through underhanded means, the people have my blessing to kick the shit out of that person and pick a new ruler.  
A. Especially if the previous ruler also happens to be an asshole!  
  

  7. A good way to declare war is to dress in your finest armor, walk up to whomever you're declaring war against...and say that you're a better ruler than they'll ever be. No walking in and bludgeoning them to death with a fancy weapon in broad daylight, no walking in and challenging them to a fight that you already know that you'll win, and  _certainly_ no abusing Kynareth's gift to take a throne.  
  

  8. If you've just been elected as ruler...just don't be a dick. That is all.  
  

  9. Never be so quick to mock a young or new crowned ruler (or Divine~). They just might surprise you.




	9. Zenithar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Zenithar, the Divine of Work, Commerce, and Communication.

**Zenithar**

 

  1. ****NEVER screw someone over on a deal, no matter how stupid they look.
  2. If you happen to find yourself in a bind (yay, a rhyme!), there's always a way to talk things out!
  3. ....No, no matter how cool that thing looks, DON'T empty your purse over it. 
  4. DON'T go outside on Black Friday. Coming from  _me_ , the deals aren't worth it.
  5. RESPECT people in the retail and food service industry. They put up with enough petty bullshit as it is.
  6. Even though things look grim and you feel as you want to bludgeon the person next to you,  _restrain yourself_ and communicate! 
  7. War? What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!
  8. If things look very expensive or very cheap when you know that they aren't...be very, very  _persuasive_ on how you handle things. 
  9. The customer isn't exactly always right.




	10. Azura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unwritten commandments of Azura, the Daedric Prince of the Dusk and Dawn.

** Azura **

 

  1. Never criticize or question my commands. Those that do....be grateful I don't blind you each time the sun rises. 
  2. Follow a certain someone's advice and "Praise The Sun". 
  3. The one who corrupted my Star...I will stretch them out and use them as a cover for my throne as soon as I find them. 
  4. At least TRY to be a morning person. 
  5. When I tell you to do something,  _do it._
  6. __If you happen to be a Dunmer who has showed signs of my little lesson fading away, watch whose toes you step on.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azura is here~! Yes, I know that it's short and that she doesn't sound totally good, but, hey, a Daedric Prince has their morals. Plus...she can seem bratty when someone says no.
> 
> I just want to let you all know that my writing time-window is growing a bit...short, courtesy of finals. Hopefully I can get it all done and balance everything out!


	11. Boethiah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unseen commandments of Boethiah, the Daedric Prince of Deceit, Conspiracy, and Treachery.

**Boethiah**

 

  1. Be careful who you trust. They might conspire against you.
  2. Everyone, even the most blatant pacifist,  _utterly **adores**_ a good era of bloodshed every now and again. I know I do. 
  3. No matter what they say,  ** _no one_** is, can be, or ever will be a "good ruler". It's best to eliminate them entirely. 
  4. Authority is nothing. Never let it rule you.
  5. Never forget to incite a little senseless violence every now and again, just to keep things....interesting~. 
  6. Attempt to bring back gladiators, death matches, and colisseums once every century. They're quite popular, despite people being...ugh, "morally righteous" against them. 




	12. Clavicus Vile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unwritten commandments of Clavicus Vile, the Daedric Prince of Bargains, Power, Trickery, and Wishes.  
> Also Barbas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way to tell Barbas from Clavicus Vile is that Barbas is in italicized parenthesis.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Clavicus Vile (....And Barbas)**

 

 

  1. Be as vague as humanly possible!   
_(Don't. Just, please, DON'T. Use common sense. Please.)_  
  

  2. Always go into things thinking that you know everything! You're THAT confident! You're the boss!  
_(...You're not the boss. You never were the boss. And you never can be the boss. Please stop.)_  
  

  3. Do whatever you can to make a deal. Remember, you're the boss!  
_(No.)_  
  

  4. Try to be first on Black Friday!  
_(...Only if a death wish is involved.)_  

  5. When all else fails, mean exactly what you say.  
_(Before or after you feel like utter crap for doing so?)_  
  

  6. When it comes to knife fights, ALWAYS bring a gun!   
_(....Yeah, you're on your own for this one, buddy.)_  
  

  7. Be careful what you say.  
_(That's the smartest thing you said all day!)_  
  

  8. Always be literal. Similes, metaphors, figures of speeches, nuances, who needs all that, right?  
_(Nope, spoke WAY too soon.)_  
  

  9. Some things are never too good to be true!  
_(...Welp, I'm done. These readers are on their own!)_




	13. Hermaeus Mora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unwritten and already known Commandments of Hermaeus Mora, the Daedric Prince of Fate, Knowledge, Memory, and Tides.

**Hermaeus Mora**

 

  1. Everything about anything can and will be known, no matter how hard you try to hide it.
  2. It is never wise to keep secrets, especially from one who knows...and watches  _everything_.
  3. I have command over the Last and First of Akatosh. I know everything. I see everything. And I know if someone plans to... _betray_ me. And it  _will_ fail.
  4. A book can either be a godsend...or one's downfall.
  5. Despite my...appearance, yes, I know of your sick mortal  _pleasures_ , and no, I am  _not_ one of them!
  6. Do not try to fight fate. 
  7. Despite what many may think, it's actually quite...fun to be a 'know-it-all'.
  8. Yes, it is possible to know...everything.




	14. Hircine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Hircine, the Daedric Prince of the Hunt, the Huntsman of the Princes, and the Father of Manbeasts.

** Hircine **

 

  1. When hunting,  _always_ respect your prey. Even if they don't deserve it.  
  

  2. Taxidermy is an insult to the prey you hunt. Taking part of them and mounting them as trophies is one thing; stuffing them and posing them to your liking is simply just... _tacky_.  
  

  3. Always give your prey a fighting chance.   
  

  4. When killing your prey, make sure that  _no part_ gets wasted.  
  

  5. When you kill your prey, regardless of whatever it has done to you in life,  _never_ desecrate the body. Petty vengeance makes huge waste.  
  

  6. Hunting for survival is one thing. Hunting for sport is another thing entirely.  _Never_ mix the two.  
  

  7. The roles of prey and hunter are hardly ever set in stone.  
  

  8. The Companions in Skyrim are...a wise group to join~.  
  

  9. There is a clear difference between hunting for sport or survival...and just plain cornering and slaughtering someone. Make sure that the difference remains clear.




	15. Jyggalag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of the Daedric Prince of Order.

**Jyggalag**

 

  1. Regardless of what happens, Order will always prevail.
  2. There can be no change or chaos without Order.
  3. Do your best to keep knowledge and order of everything, down to the last iota. The person who keeps such order is  _always_ in control.
  4. Madness can always be balanced out by sanity and Order. 
  5. No matter how much greenmote you take, no matter how much banquets you hold, no matter the poetry and paintings, plottings, schemings, paranoia, Mania, Dementia...Order is always there. 
  6. Order is synonymous with power. If one opposes or hides from Order, then....what good is he? 




	16. Malacath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandment(s) of Malacath, the Daedric Prince of the Spurned and Ostracized, Keeper of the Scorned and Bloody Oaths, and patron god of the Orsimer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be the shortest one, on account of there not being much about Malacath.

 

**Malacath**

 

  1. Courtesy of Boethiah, I really  _am_ the shit!  

  2. If a certain crazy-ass weak little Prince tricks you into killing your own...son, then, just to even the odds... _praise Jyggalag._  

  3. If someone in charge is acting like a pansy little bitch, the best option is to have him prove himself in a duel against you. Then kick his ass. Or kill him. Either one works.  

  4. Orsimer are the best race in Tamriel, no questions asked.   

  5. If someone happens to turn their back on you, spit on you, make you an outcast, call you a piece of shit...tell them "Not only am I a piece of shit, I'm  _the_ shit! I'm  _the_ piece of shit! Hell, I'm a better piece of shit you'll ever be!"



 

 


	17. Mehrunes Dagon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Mehrunes Dagon, the Daedric Prince of Revolution, Ambition, Change, Energy, and Destruction.

**Mehrunes Dagon**

 

  1. ****Change, no matter what sort of change it is, ** _will happen_** , no matter how much you "want things to be like this forever".  
  

  2. What sense does a dynasty make if someone is going to cut off your head, regardless of what you do?  
  

  3. After finding out that a  _certain mortal_ has become a  _certain Madgod_ after helping a  _certain heir_ become a  _certain god_ and kick my ass....I praise Jyggalag almost daily.  
  

  4. Ambition is always good, no matter how many people you step on to reach the top...or how hard you fall when someone takes your place.  
  

  5. The destruction of all things is inevitable; I don't see why these "heroes" are so eager to stave off what's already happening.  
  

  6. Put me in a room with a bunch of lazy slobs, and I'll do to them like I did with the Imperial City.  
  

  7. Finding my Razor and making a museum venerating my followers...I applaud the mortal that did this, but moreso to the mortal that cuts them down, with my own Razor, no less!  
  

  8. Mention a certain  _dragon god_ in my presence. Go ahead. See what happens.




	18. Meridia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts of Meridia, the Daedric Prince of Living Energy and Life.

**Meridia**

 

  1. ****Any works that depict the undead in an even remotely positive light **must** and  **will be eradicated.** So, half of the internet, most movies, and the majority of these..."fanfictions". Well.  ** _I simply must get started._**
  2. Yes, yes, if you happen to be a vampire and aid me in cleansing my Temple, you shall most gratefully have Dawnbreaker as your reward. But be warned...it has a tendency to act on its own will at the most  _random_ of times~....
  3. Necromancers and all who attempt to act like them are officially the scum of Nirn. 
  4. Anyone who actually sides with the...ugh... _Volkihar clan_ before cleansing my Temple will be faced with a  _very irate Daedra._
  5. Hell, anyone who serves Molag Bal in any way will have Dawnbreaker violently shoved where the sun never shines! ...Though I fear that they are depraved enough to actually  _like it._
  6. To the servants of Molag Bal....why? What would you possibly expect gaining something beneficial from someone who has the utter gall to call himself the King of  _Rape_?




	19. Mephala

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Mephala, the Webspinner, the Daedric Prince of Deceit, Murder, Plots, Secrets, and Seduction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is the mistake of this one that, like an idiot, I didn't realize that "MEPhala" went BEFORE "MERidia". And so I humbly ask that you incredible readers PLEASE accept this chapter as an apology present.

**Mephala**

  1. ****Trust no one, even a child. Who knows what doors they might listen to~?
  2. Even the tiniest of spiders hide secrets. Be careful where you whisper...or who you sleep with~. 
  3. A Mother, a Bride, a Lucky Lady, a Matron....who am I~? 
  4. Keep your enemies close...and your friends at the point of an Ebony Blade. 
  5. Regardless of whether they hide by chitin or by Shrouded Armor...the Dunmer are quite fun to toy with~.




	20. Molag Bal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Molag Bal, the Daedric Prince of Corruption and Domination, and the King of Rape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the nature of this...Daedric Prince, there is a VERY obvious mention/warning of rape being mentioned. Also, several trashy book series.

**Molag Bal**

 

  1. ****Everything, even the purest child...always loses that innocence eventually~.
  2. I read Twilight as a guide on what vampires should  _never_ do. 
  3. Fifty Shades, however....keep up the good work, Mr. Grey~. 
  4. Safewords are such pesky things, aren't they? I think they should be outlawed~. 
  5. If you wish to assert your dominance on someone who's been...passed around, just keep driving forward, no matter how much they scream, beg, and yell for you to stop. 
  6. Do you want something? Take it. Do you want something that isn't yours?  _Take it and the owner._ Do you want someONE? Take them. Do you want someone that isn't yours?  ** _Take them both._**
  7. Telling someone like the Dragonborn 'no' is such a waste of time...especially if they're just going to take whatever they want anyways. 
  8. To the Dragonborn who slaughters indiscriminately, who takes whatever they please, who slits throats in the middle of the night because someone resisted you, turned you down, had the audacity to tell the savior of Nirn 'no'.... _ **Well done. Keep up the good work. You served me well.**_




	21. Namiira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Namiira, the Daedric Prince of Revulsion, Rot, and Disgust, The Lady of Decay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains a mention of an EXTREMELY graphic movie that is...quite fitting for Namiira. Do NOT look for/at this movie unless you have a high constitution, a stomach of steel, and...a high tolerance for gore.

** Namiira **

 

  1. Give spiders, slugs, bugs, and snails a chance!   

  2. A little bit of...raw meat never hurt anyone.   

  3. Should anyone happen to cast you away for something 'gross' and 'revolting' as watching "Cannibal Holocaust" about ten or so times, then they're missing out on something amazing.  

  4. Caring for yourself, keeping things neat, eating right,  _bathing..._ It's all so tedious.   

  5. Be careful what you say, the unclean are  _everywhere_.  

  6. The light, the sun, the birds, the trees, the cleanliness of it all...why can't  _that_ be gross? 
  7. Should anyone  _dare_ to squish a bug because of how 'gross' or 'filthy' they are, I shall give them a blessing! ...a Beggar's Blessing. 
  8. I shall command that one day, all that is repulsive, reviled, and decaying, the filthy beggars, the crippled, the feasters of flesh shall be welcomed with open arms! Soon those that walk the light of day shall see the beauty of decay! 




	22. Nocturnal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments and Edicts of Nocturnal, the Daedric Prince of Twilight and Shadow, the Patron Saint of Thieves, the Night Mistress.

**Nocturnal**

 

  1. No matter how one looks at it, there simply must be  _some_ honor among thieves. 
  2. Sometimes, it is good to be standing in the shadows. 
  3. Never think that you can just get something for nothing;  _everything_ comes at a price.
  4. I dislike thieves...who  _always try to steal my shit._
  5. Apparently, I can be living proof that...even love blossoms in the shadows~. 
  6. Think twice before double-crossing a fellow thief. Ask Mercer. 
  7. The next fool who attempts to steal from me... _will be the unluckiest bastard to walk the mortal realm._
  8. To those under my gaze, take the time to appreciate the night; the twilight, the glow of the moon shrouded by clouds, the shadows creeping and dancing throughout every corner...Do not fear it. Embrace it.




	23. Peryite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commandments of Peryite, The Taskmaster, The Daedric Prince of Pestilence.

 

**Peryite**

 

 

  1. Go ahead, laugh it up: even  _Malacath_ is more well-known than I am.  
  

  2. Each day, all should give praise to me for restoring the natural order; we can't have people running around being  _too_ healthy, now can we?  
  

  3. Should you happen to call a particular person a 'pest', or should they call you a pest, you all have me to thank for it! I accept 'thank-yous' in the form of sneezings, coughs, skeevers, and a  _stressing of the natural order._  
  

  4. There are those that praise the weakest of the bunch...for they may have the most influence~.  
  

  5. I suppose that having one of my blessings really is...The  _Pits_ ~.  
  

  6. I apply the natural order to the lower Daedric realms and all I got a spot on this lousy list.  
  

  7. "But Peryite, if you're the Prince of Pestilence, what about Namira?"   
....It's...It's best you not...remind me of that little... _arrangement_ we had.  
  

  8. Spell-Breaker? More like _Game-Breaker_ , am I right~?  
...This is the reason why I am the  _least_ powerful Prince...




	24. Sanguine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and...Commandments? Of Sanguine, the Daedric Prince of Hedonism, Sin, Debauchery, and Dark Indulgences.

** Sanguine **

 

  1. Don't end up being a stuffy follower of Mara. Honestly, NO DRINKING?! Quiet sobriety?! What kind of life is that?!
  2. Don't be afraid to just...let go of everything for a day.
  3. Your inhibitions, your limits, your morals...You wanna fuck that hot neighbor with your spouse none the wiser? Drink and eat the finest foods until your gut explodes? Shock your stick-up-the-ass family by streaking in the church and fucking yourself on the altar? Let it ALL hang out!
  4. I suggest you all should literally live by the phrase, "Eat, drink, and be merry"~.
  5. Do whatever you feel like doing deep down inside...unless it involves the dead. There's gotta be SOME kinda class here. 
  6. I honestly don't see the point of rules; people break them all the time anyway. 
  7. Whether eating, drinking, or fucking whoever you please... _the more, the merrier_ ~.




	25. Sheogorath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The (long-awaited) Edicts and....Commandments? Of Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, Lord of the Never-There, The Madgod, and the Skooma Cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admit it. 
> 
> You were expecting him, the whole time weren't you?

**Sheogorath**

 

  1. Never try to grow a beard, or it's off to the Hill of Suicide with you!
  2. In regards to bearing witness to a certain sordid affair involving dragons, blood, a severed head, and a fox...I can never confirm, deny, or confirmingly deny that I was there~.
  3. Never say that madness is a curse; for some, it can be an outright blessing. 
  4. Never interrupt someone when they're doing the fishstick! Not only is it a delicate process, it's quite rude. 
  5. Whenever someone claims they can drive someone mad... _beat them at their own game._
  6. When going up against an enormous beast, a small bird is always best.
  7. If you want to make some of the sweetest music around, make sure to cook it until tender. Or use a woman's tendons. Whichever is better.
  8. In regards to a certain...jester...I cannot confirmingly deny that I touched the man.
  9. In regards to outcasts killing their own sons, tis a shame. Such a tragedy. Ah, well, can't be helped. 
  10. If you wish to send a message to someone, write it on the back of an Argonian concubine! 
  11. If there is ever a balance to Madness...it is Mania and Dementia.
  12. If you happen to grow so bold, so cantankerous, so rancidly raucously raunchy as to hit me, then I shall...give you a trip! The best sight of the Shivering Isles!  _ **Enjoy the view.**_




	26. Vaermina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Edicts and Commandments of Vaermina, The Dreamweaver, The Daedric Prince of Dreams, Nightmares, and Psychological Torment.

**Vaermina**

  1. I command all who follow me to live by the phrase, "Mind over matter"~.
  2. A warhammer to the head? A sword to gut? Your flesh being stripped, cooked, and eaten? Death by poison? All trivial. All happening to you right now, all in your head. 
  3. Should someone  _mad_ happen to beat you at your own game... ** _get even._**
  4. If someone weighs on your mind, break them of their routine. Put things where they aren't say things that shouldn't be, do what you are not supposed to...they'll beg for mercy soon enough. Or death. Whichever is first.
  5. Should you break my Skull of Corruption...I shall bring new meaning to the phrase  _Waking Nightmare_.
  6. The mind is such a beautiful thing, built up with so many years of knowledge, care, trust, experience...all destroyed with just a little... **snap.**
  7. Even the strongest, the proudest, the wisest, the largest of minds...can be broken. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of this work!  
> Wow!  
> Thank you all for sticking with this...holy(?) "book" until the end~!


End file.
